Gavin (A Redemption Romance #3) Read online

  “I’m not too young, Gavin McNeil, I’m eighteen! I’ve loved you forever, I waited.” She yelled indignantly.

  Wait, what? She waited? Was she? Fuck, I couldn’t think about her being a virgin, not right now. Fuck, she was killing me. There was absolutely no blood left in my brain. I had no idea how I was actually making words come out.

  “You are, you’re too young for me. I can’t see you that way, it isn’t right.” I meant that I couldn’t see her that way, now, not that I wasn’t able to, because damn, I saw her exactly like that.

  Unfortunately, I figured out what I’d said and what it had sounded like when her face paled, her eyes widened in horrified embarrassment and her entire body stilled, as if frozen in place. I watched as Dawn Adams’ heart broke, right there, in front of me and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

  I wanted to take her into my arms and explain, but she didn’t give me the chance. I would have given anything if she would keep waiting for me, but that was something I couldn’t ask for.

  “No, god, no. I’m so sorry Gavin. I, I can’t believe I did that. I guess I’ve had a bit too much, right? Party and all. I think I’ll just-” She just stopped, didn’t say any more, just motioned toward the house and looked at it, longingly, as if all she ever wanted in life was to be in that house.

  “Wait, no, that’s not-” I was too late to explain.

  I watched, dumbstruck as Dawn rushed away from me, going in the side door, closest to her room. She was escaping. I’d fucked it all up. I’d wanted to explain that this wasn’t the right time, that I couldn’t do that, not now. I’d needed to be honest, but I’d fucked it up.

  I’d never had a hard time talking to her, not to Dawn. I’d been in some sort of love with her too, forever. When we were young it hadn’t been like that and I hadn’t thought of her sexually until about a year or so ago, which had made me feel like an asshole, since she’d only been about seventeen. But damn, a man could only resist so much.

  Two weeks passed without a single sighting of the blonde haired beauty. She graced my dreams every night and stayed in my thoughts every day. My mom had noticed my bad mood, but chalked it up to the deployment that was coming all too quickly. I wanted to talk to Dawn, to explain what I’d meant, to ease her bruised pride, but I’d never been given the chance.

  Considering that she lived across the street, it was odd that I hadn’t seen her. She must have been working hard to avoid me. I had one chance left, just one, before I was gone for who knew how long.

  Kissing my mom’s cheek one last time, I left her standing in the living room of her house with tears in her eyes. She’d been an Army wife and now had two sons in the military, so she was a pro at the hardest goodbyes.

  I walked out, looked at my truck and over to Dawn’s house. Her car was in the driveway and her mom’s wasn’t. This was my chance.

  Jogging across the small, quiet street, lined with old, small houses, I made it to her front door. No lights were visible inside, no noise, nothing at all. Was she hiding from me still?

  I knocked loudly and rang the bell a few times, but heard nothing from within. She either wasn’t home or wasn’t coming to the door.

  Glancing down at my watch, I saw that my time was up, I had to go. I’d waited too long, she’d avoided me too well, I wasn’t going to get the chance to talk to her now.

  In total frustration and sadness, I slowly walked back, climbed into my truck and started to drive away, almost certain when I glanced over at her house once more, that someone was watching me from the front window.

  Chapter 1

  Dawn

  Why the hell is he here? I asked myself for the fifth time, looking at Gavin McNeil for the first time in eight years. I knew it was him, walking into Aurora’s house, his body had changed, his face was somehow different, more angular, harder, but his eyes, those laughing chocolate eyes that hid so much, were the same.

  He hadn’t noticed me, I wondered if he would. I knew he wouldn’t have forgotten me, it had been a long time, but we’d been close for too many years. Besides, my mom still updated me on his life, though not as much since his mom had gotten married and moved. Maybe he was seeing someone and would have someone meet him here later. That would be good, or bad, ah hell, it didn’t matter. This would be awkward regardless.

  Shit, he’s coming over here, I thought, wondering if I could sneak out somehow. Could I escape down the hallway or out the back door?

  Forcing my attention away from him, and engaging with Hope and Aurora again, I made a mental note of the location of my purse, and considered how long it would take to grab it and run out the front door. I tried to come up with a suitable excuse, something to get me away from the man I never wanted to see again, without looking totally rude.

  I’d loved Gavin like only an innocent girl could. In my mind, he’d been perfect, he’d been the man for me, unfortunately, I learned a long time ago that I wasn’t and never would be the one for him, or anyone else.

  Through the years following my horribly embarrassing mistake, I thought a lot about my mom. She’d loved my dad so much, that after he left her, pregnant and alone at the age of eighteen, she never found anyone else, she never even tried.

  It seemed that I was fated for the same outcome. At least my mom never had to see my father again, he’d left her with a promise to come back, not knowing that she was carrying me, but he’d never returned.

  I knew that she’d waited for him, believing him, for years. Now, I knew she hadn’t given her heart to anyone else, because my father would always own it, he hadn’t given it back.

  I felt the same, I had at least tried, sort of. I didn’t really want to fall in love, not anymore, it was too much trouble. I didn’t think I would be able to give that much of myself to anyone.

  I figured that someday I’d get married, to someone I could trust, someone who wouldn’t leave me high and dry and I would be content in my own life. The love I’d offered to Gavin that stupid night, hadn’t been returned, it had been tossed away, not wanted, forgotten. I’d never put myself in that situation again.

  I hadn’t been his priority; I’d never been anyone’s priority. My father who’d left before finding out mom was even pregnant, my mom – she tried, but she never moved on from the girlish love she’d had for my dad. I was working hard to at least make myself a priority – for me, if no one else.

  Gavin’s smiling face joined our circle. He gave Hope and then Aurora a quick cheek kiss and side hug, chuckling as Luke growled from behind him.

  Aurora, being the consummate hostess, introduced us. It was laughable really, I did my best to play along, not wanting to draw attention to our history. Gavin kept his gaze on Aurora as she spoke, but finally turned to look at me as Aurora gestured to me and said my name.

  I gave a quick smile and nod in greeting, but I didn’t miss the moment it registered. Gavin’s eyes bulged out, shock crossed his face, and he took a step forward as if he were about to hug me. I couldn’t handle that, not now. We weren’t kids anymore. I hadn’t been that naïve eighteen-year-old girl for a long time.

  “Dawn, holy shit, it is you.” His hoarse voice was full of confusion, my smile was hesitant and my wave ridiculous.

  “Hey, Gavin.” I noticed both of the women next to me look between us with curiosity, but I wasn’t about to explain. There was too much, water under the bridge for all that.

  Even after all these years - when he looked at me, I felt the flush crawl up and color my cheeks. Embarrassment and shame swamped me, taking me back to a place I never wanted to go again. The pain of not only losing the hope of what I’d wanted for so long, but also losing his friendship was too much.

  I did my best not to notice as he took me in, raking his eyes over my fully grown body. I had changed, not a lot, but enough that he apparently noticed.

  I was uncomfortable with his attention, but did my best to hold still and wait. Giving the group a small smile, I muttered something about getting a drink
and escaped into the kitchen.

  Convinced that he’d gotten the message, I was shocked when he followed me. Pinning me in between the fridge and his hard body, I shook with nervousness and frustration, and looked for a way to escape without causing a scene.

  “Talk to me,” Gavin rumbled in his deep, concerned voice.

  “It’s been a long time, how are you?” I tried flippant, but the hard set of his jaw told me that it didn’t work.

  “Dawn, I haven’t seen you for eight years, why are you trying to avoid me?”

  “I’m good, thanks for asking.” Trying again, this time, I went with slightly snotty, my tone stayed flat. I didn’t fully understand why he was cornering me why he was pushing me?

  This wasn’t the time – and there wouldn’t ever be a good time for this reunion. I was completely mortified. I could only imagine what he’d thought of when he’d seen me. The pathetic little girl who’d confessed her love for him, when he’d never shown the slightest interest in her, not like that anyway.

  I was irritated that just the sight of him, after all these years, brought those old feelings back. Loss, pain, shame and knowing that I wasn’t enough, that I’d never be what he wanted, I couldn’t do it, couldn’t go back to the friendship we’d once had, not that he was asking for that.

  Gavin’s body relaxed and when the sound of voices coming into the kitchen caught his attention, I used that moment of distraction to slip out, under his arm and escape to the safety of the living room and the rest of Aurora’s friends.

  I’d worked for Indulgence for a couple of months, had only been back in Texas about four, and this had been the first time I’d accepted one of Aurora’s many invitations. I’d been spending time getting my little house in order, visiting with my mom and seeing some old friends I hadn’t seen in years.

  Living in LA for the past couple of years, had been awesome, but it had been time to come home. It was time to grow up and get a place of my own. I’d lived with Tyler in Los Angeles, since I’d never have been able to afford a decent place on my own there.

  But here, my salary was actually better than it had been there, and my little house was inexpensive. I’d been saving a long time, and had pretty good credit, so I’d been able to rent it all on my own. Luckily, the prices in this area were still low enough, that a single girl in her twenties could eventually buy a place.

  The game was on in the living room; everyone was sitting around watching football, so I chose a seat on the couch between Reed and Trent, continuing with my plan to avoid Gavin. I decided not to attend another gathering with this great group of new friends. Girls’ night was safe, no men, but I wouldn’t join with all the guys, not if there was a chance Gavin would be there.

  It was childish, sure. Gavin and I had been friends for about ten years, before I’d gone and fucked it all up. Seeing him now, though, was such a shock, I didn’t know what to do with it, I didn’t know how to process it. What was I supposed to do, act like I wasn’t the huge idiot who had single handedly ruined a perfectly good friendship? Okay, so yeah, now, I was being stupid. Didn’t I owe him at least the courtesy of politeness? The kindness of a quick catch up? I did, absolutely, but why was it, even after eight years, just the sight of him hurt my heart so much that all I wanted to do was curl up under a rock and cry my eyes out?

  I thought I’d given up on the childish dreams I’d once held so close. Apparently, they’d never gone far, because that old familiar ache was back in full force. When he’d left that last morning, I watched his truck disappear down the street, watching the taillights disappear as she turned off of our street. I’d cried my eyes out for weeks, months even. It had taken me a couple of years to even talk to another guy.

  I’d felt like shit that day, for not opening the door and talking to him, but aside from another apology, what was I supposed to say? When I found out later that he was being deployed, I felt even worse, I’d thought about writing to him, but his life was so much more important than mine, he needed to be focused, not worried about some stupid twit at home, pining for him.

  It was the same now, I still couldn’t do it. I was a wimp. I hated that about myself, I was one to avoid difficult situations, instead of facing them. I couldn’t ever have been a strong enough woman for a man like him, I only wished I’d seen it sooner. If I’d accepted it when I was young, maybe we could have stayed friends at least, seeing him now, I realized just how much I missed him. Aside from Tyler, Gavin had been the best friend I’d ever had.

  It was a couple of hours and several near misses before I could comfortably escape. Gavin had gone down the hall to the bathroom, so I used the opportunity to give quick goodbyes to the girls and waves to the guys and slipped out to my car.

  Thankfully, no one had blocked me in. Sliding in behind the wheel, I pretended not to notice when Gavin opened the front door and frantically searched the street. I’d parked a couple of houses down, so by the time he spotted me, my car was in gear and I was able to pull out before he got there.

  Spending the rest of the evening alone, I contemplated calling Tyler and telling him all about it, but I resisted. I knew that Ty had made plans with Marc. They were in the early stages of their relationship and as far as I was concerned, the verdict was still out on Marc.

  Since I couldn’t call anyone and share, I flipped on the TV and watched reruns of Alaska the Last Frontier.

  My phone buzzed from the coffee table, picking it up, I glanced at the screen and had to shake my head with laughter.

  Aurora: Hey, what’s up with you and G?

  Dawn: We knew each other as kids, why?

  Aurora: Seems like more, he’s acting really strange.

  Dawn: Strange how?

  Aurora: Dunno, strange like a man possessed. He asked me where you live.

  Dawn: What? Did you tell him?

  Aurora: No, of course not. I haven’t been to your place, so I’d have to look at your personnel file, which would be illegal to tell him from that.

  Dawn: Thanks

  Aurora: He asked for your number

  Dawn: I feel like I’m in Jr. High

  Aurora: Yeah, a little bit

  Aurora: Details?

  Aurora: Come on!

  Aurora: Okay, I’ll stop

  Dawn: Thanks, See you tomorrow.

  Falling asleep on the couch that night had been stupid. I woke the next morning with a half-dead cell phone, which I never did, and a sore neck. Glancing at the clock, I saw that I had three hours before I needed to get to work.

  I grabbed my bag, the portable battery charger and an Odwalla protein drink from the fridge and headed out to my bright yellow Mini. The gym wasn’t crowded at that time of the morning, so I was able to focus and get my workout done without much trouble. My gym was small and didn’t have all the bells and whistles of some of the higher-end ones in town, but it was cheap, safe and clean, which was all I needed. Also, there weren’t a million overly muscled beefcakes there ready to show you their – biceps. After living in LA for two years, the land of perfect plastic people, I had been ready for a regular gym.

  I’d met a woman there with implants in her ass. I had laughed when she’d told me, because I hadn’t believed her. Texas had its fair share of overly made up and perfect type people, but ass implants? Really? That shit was crazy. Curiosity almost had me asking her what they used, what did they put in there, but I’d chickened out. I remembered telling Tyler and his then boyfriend, Greg, they’d laughed their asses off. Asses, that shit was funny.

  After grabbing my stuff from the locker room, I walked back out to my car. I’d shower and get ready at home, it wasn’t far, besides, I had plenty of time today. Glancing around the lot, as I was prone to do, I noticed a familiar looking truck, it was like one I’d seen in Aurora’s last night. It had been there when I’d gotten there, so it couldn’t be Gavin’s.

  Shrugging it off, I pulled out and drove home. It could have easily been a coincidence, there were lots of trucks in the area, I wa
s sure any number of them would look similar.

  Punching the button on the hands free, once I was finally on my way into the store, I was greeted by my mother’s cheery voice.

  “Good morning, sweetheart. How are you?”

  “Good mom, you?”

  “Oh, good, hey, I got a call from Nicole Davies, she said that you and Gavin saw each other.”

  “She said what?” I was totally confused by what she meant. With my mom, you had to be very literal. She could construe anything to sound just how she wanted it to.

  “She said that Gavin saw you yesterday, I guess he called her afterward and asked about you.”

  Jesus, she was matchmaking. She’d always thought that Gavin was the one for me, just as I had. It had been almost as hard on her, when I’d finally broken down and told her that he didn’t see me that way, as it had been on me. Of course, I’d waited until I was twenty, and had thought I was over him before I did.

  “Yeah, he was at a party that I was at, that’s all.” I did my best to sound easy-going and to make it seem like a random coincidence. If she knew he was part of a small group of friends, who I was now becoming acquainted, she’d never let it go.

  “Mmmhm, interesting. Well, keep me in the loop, sweetheart.”

  “Okay, mom. Hey, love you, but I’ve got to run, okay?” Thankfully, I was able to disconnect without any further difficulty. The last thing I wanted was for her to be in my business, especially since she was still close to Gavin’s mom. Knowing those two as well as I did, they probably already had something in the works.

  Hearing the chime on the back door, Aurora rounded the corner, giving me a huge smile. She looked way too eager to see me. Sure, she was friendly, but this was ridiculous.